BID no. 41 - Be friends with your ex

- check!

I've been thinking about ticking of this challenge for some time but have never felt the urge to sit down and gather my thoughts about my exes (not that they are that many). But now I think the time is right to get things done and over with. And it really is silly, all this hestiation about this part, because there is really nothing bad to tell at all. No juicy details or quarrels, just separations and decisions done.

But let's begin from the start with some background. And as they say, you can't love them all. But you can't be blamed for trying.

My first sweetheart. When I was 8.

His name was Matthias and he was the sporty type and I was the tomboy. I guess I took an interest in him because of my 11 year old brother who was in love with Matthias older sister. As I recall he was quite intelligent, and I think we might have had a good time together when we grew up, if we both hadn't moved from town. I gave my first kiss to this boy on the meadow close to our homes and he gave me one of his most precious collectable cards from the Hockey-series when we said good-bye. That is so cute when I think about it now! :)

After this first encounter of the world of love, quite a lot of years past when I was secretely in love with a couple of boys, but never felt anything more than just excitement and daydreaming about "what would be if...". Of course there was some guys that i actually went out with, but nothing serious went cooking until the first summer of High School when after some messing around I met

The love of my life. When I was 16.

Have you ever felt the feeling where you are invincible together with someone? You feel strong, beautiful, bubbling with love and happiness so strong that you feel you can fly easily as a butterfly in the skies just as long as that person is with you.

That summer was without a doubt the happiest summer I've ever lived. Just three short months of sheer love and wonderful days and nights together, along with a lot of fun experiences like it is supposed to be when you are a teenager. The summer love was abruplty ended, though. A hasty break-up that crushed my heart and killed all my beliefs in honest and true love.

After some years we got to talking and had that "why things went that way-talk", and that kind-of mended my broken heart and let us go along on our separate roads as friends. Now I feel thankful towards my teenage love for that great summer and for giving me the possibility of feeling real thunderstruck love for once in my life.

After that I must say I've been the luckiest girl in the world to have met the most wonderful boys and men. The guys with all that patience, love and kindness in their heart, that have spent quite some time (years) with me in our relationships and kept that wonderful way even after I've split up with them for various reasons. One of them is

The father of my children. When I was 20.

There is really not much to say about this relationship except it was good, he was kind and everything was great. We got engaged after 2 years, and after 4 years we had our first child, our son Jesper. Everything kept being perfect unless I felt a bit restless because he never wanted to go anywhere or explore other countries or even cities in our country. Other than that the everyday life was good, and we got married in december 2005. After that we tried and tried to become pregnant again but nothing happened and the everyday life became bad as the computers and the alcohol took more and more part of my husbands life. I tried to talk to him but nothing happened. I tried to talk to him about other things as well but nothing happened. In january 2007 I found out I was pregnant. But by then I had already made up my mind. If he didn't stop drinking I would leave him. In march the coming year, I got an apartment that I wanted, and then we decided to separate after almost a year of fruitless discussions. There was never a problem. He helped me move my furniture, he came to comfort me when I was depressed after giving birth and not getting enough sleep, and he had the patience of an angel. Without a doubt there is only him to thank for this great relationship we have around our boys today. I can never ever see myself getting together with him today as we are way to different in matter of achiements and what to ask of the world, but I am greatful for the boys we have and that I always feel secure about him giving them all the love he possibly can.

My love of today. When I am 30.

Actually I met my love of today when I was like 16 or something. I didn't really know him well and I kind of thought he was the quiet guy that lived in his apartment with his fishtank and wrote poems when he was feeling down. But there was something interesting about him that I never got to put my finger on as other guys came in the way. But I still recall one phone call between us when I was sad and down and he told me to choose between him and the love of my life that managed to break my heart in the worst kind of way later on, as I evidently chose the "wrong guy" back then. Never could I imagine that I would have the opportunity to make the right choice 15 years later.

The story behind how we met is too long to be told here and subject to a different matter, but where I want to go with this is here: After 2 years of struggling with how to make a life work together (with mine and his children, bad economy etc. etc.) we had lost not only the trust in each other but the most important thing in a relationship; the communication. Basically the thing that got us together in the first place, was the way we shared our thoughts, so intimately. And after about a year of one discussion after another that led nowhere, there was no communication to rebuild our faith and trust in each other. No place for love to grow. We were both feeling that our relationship had no future but we had different ways of dealing with it.

A long story short, we broke up. A horrible break-up that I don't wish for anyone. There were so much anger, hurt and sadness in it and I don't think I have cried so much since the love-of-my-life-guy left me. A couple of months passed (summer and vacation just flew by when trying to coping with my life, getting a new place to live and so on) and we kept sporadic contact just in order to solve all the economics and of course when I called to yell at him and cry when I felt down...

But in the end of summer the world was new. We had both begun to live our lives again, and finding joy in everyday life. Yet I missed a piece of my heart. And he as well. From the end of this summer we have been together again, and this time it is all about communication. I am really not the greatest on speaking my mind, but with his help and patience I am more than willing to give it my best. Because I know the piece that was missing in my heart this summer, was a vital piece of my life and for how I want my future to become. It took me 15 years and a break-up to realize that this is the "right guy", and he is the one I want to explore the world with!

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